Out of the goodness of my heart, I agreed to sell an unused beehive to a local beekeeper I “met” through BeeSource.com. You might think BeeSource is like a Facebook for beekeepers, but I’m grateful that isn’t true. We don’t waste each other’s time talking about what we had for dinner; rather, we talk about the weather a lot. Just kidding. Actually, I’m serious. Weather is pretty damned important when you’re a beekeeper. It really is.
So this woman and I emailed for about two weeks about the hive itself, where I lived, what I was going to charge for the hive, what my schedule was, etc. Out of the blue, I got an email from her telling me she was on her way to get the hive. This is because I let it slip that I was probably going to be home the rest of that afternoon. She said it would work better for her schedule to just get it over with, and she was on her way to my house. After waiting 45 minutes for her, I got another email from her saying she was no longer satisfied with the price I was asking, so maybe we should just forget the deal. Thinking she was calling me cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater, I went to the trouble to walk her through my reasoning. Well, then she was supposedly on her way again to my house, because I obviously do not ever have afternoon plans. I especially didn’t have anything planned for the rest of that afternoon, except waiting yet again for her to get her ass in the car. Worse, I had resigned myself to the fact that “Judge Judy,” “Dr. Oz,” Cheetos and beer would not be in my immediate future.
I changed out of my tattered-but-comfortable clothes and made myself about 45% presentable for her arrival. An email exchange with a good friend of mine confirmed that the woman coming over to my house was not bra-worthy. I learned in that moment that I had been making this unconscious decision for years, but had never really verbalized it. Yes, my dear blog followers, as a woman ages, she asks herself more and more often, “Is this bra-worthy?” You male readers may not think this is an important subject, but I promise you will learn much in the future by noting whether or not a woman has found you bra-worthy. So, please participate in this informal quiz:
QUESTION ONE: She is attending a family event, such as a wedding or funeral. Is this bra-worthy?
Yes, this is bra-worthiness of the highest order.
QUESTION TWO: She has to meet with her child’s school principal. Is this bra-worthy?
Depends. Is the principal male or female? And just what does the woman hope to accomplish in the meeting? Yeah, see, things can get murky at times where bra-worthiness is concerned.
QUESTION THREE: She will be working in the yard all day. Is this bra-worthy?
No. There is no worthiness here.
QUESTION FOUR: Workmen are coming to the house. Is this bra-worthy?
Yes. Definitely yes. A woman should wear a bra when there are workmen in or around her home, as the guys need to be concentrating on their work, not her unfettered hooters.
And I think I want to ask all my fella’ bra-wearers out there to be careful the way you shove the girls into a sports bra or those tight work-out tops we always see you wearing at the grocery store. It’s kind of unsettling for the rest of us when your nipples are pointing in freakish directions.
Fewer and fewer things in my life are bra-worthy. I think I can speak for the men here, and I hope you ladies will join me in my quest:
FREE THE GIRLS!!!